Since I have been digging deep into “marketing” these days, I am on the radar of many really interesting people who want to part with their knowledge – if I part with a bit of my money. I wouldn’t mind either as their information and training, their support seems solid advice, and would be highly appreciated… They seem to have made it, and they promise that I could make it, too… If only I used their newest blueprint to success…

And that is where I start wondering…

The American culture is built on the dream of the Self-made Man. You can do anything, as long as you try hard enough, don’t give up, and BELIEVE in YOURSELF, don’t rely on others! Then anything is possible. Or is it not?

We hear about the success stories of men and women, who made it against all odds. But we don’t hear about all the other stories of men and women, who are still struggling, who don’t seem to “get it”. Do they just not believe in themselves enough? Do they not try hard enough?

These people, who are not yet at the top, they love to hear success stories, motivational speakers, and probably consider putting their money into yet another inspiring marketeer’s program, success coach’s consultation, another online program to generate more money… Does that stress you out as much as it does me just imagining it?

In the not so recent past, a boy often learned his trade from his father, a girl the housekeeping from her mother. The boy and the girl could rely on their parents, their ancestors’ knowledge and strong habit life. Families made sure that the next generation could make it, by passing on skills… 

When I visited a Native American Gathering in the summer, an amazing flute player announced his performance by recounting with pride the names of his ancestors. You could feel that he was backed by their, his ancestors’, wisdom and blessings. His performance had depth, and he seemed very much grounded, rooted… His music had warmth, and seemed to stream through him. As a constellation practitioner, who regularly works with “ancestral stories, trauma, and connecting the living to their stream of life that came from their ancestors”, I was still humbled by the intensity of appreciation, and love to his ancestors by this Native American flute artist.

Even though the Self-made Man image is an encouraging one – anyone can do it! I believe it misses a big piece: The appreciation of all the ancestors without whom this Self-made Man couldn’t be here! Who are you, if you believe that all you have to do is believe in yourself, and not rely on anyone? Who can you become, if you don’t acknowledge that you are alive due to your parents, your grandparents, and the long line of ancestors? 

I have seen it in my personal work, as well as with clients, that your success can widen, broaden, deepen, when you reconnect with your ancestors, when you can express the gratitude towards your parents for passing on their life to you. When you acknowledge that you are smaller than they are, just because they came before you. Acknowledging that without them you wouldn’t be, will actually let you grow.

I think this missing connection to our ancestors in our Western culture in general, makes us yearn for guidance, for finding a mentor… If only someone would take your hand and lead you to the rich pasture…

This is where the hundreds and thousands of “marketeers”, success coaches, life coaches etc. come into play. They offer you their “blueprint” to success. They are our surrogate fathers and mothers… those who pass on their skills, their knowledge. They promise that you will make it.

I won’t say you won’t… but I will say, that it will be more empowering, if you connected fully with your parents and ancestors first. Say YES to your life that came through them. Feel the gratitude towards them, whatever they had to endure, made you suffer through, no matter where they are now, no matter what they have achieved or lost… Your parents and ancestors gave you the most precious gift you could ever receive: LIFE. Through honoring your ancestors, you will find greater peace, and better grounding in your own life, in your work, in your success.

A tree can only expand its crown and withstand strong weather, when it is deeply rooted. Once that is in place, you can still go ahead and trim the branches, prune it with award winning trees…