When Weight Grieves

The mystery of weight… Every day in my work with clients I am in awe of the many different ways we choose weight to help us overcome trauma, emotions, fears, grief etc.
I will share with you here and there motives for weight. Today, I have some thoughts on how we handle grief.

Grieving the loss of loved ones, can lead to weight gain for many different reasons.

1) We want to fill the void with eating, which comforts us. This seems obvious, and has even a word in German. We call it “Kummerspeck”, fat of sorrows.
2) We want to extinct the feelings of grief by bingeing. Here food is not meant to fill us, but to hurt us so that we don’t feel the pain of the loss. It can be devastating when we then see the grief staring back at us day after day in the mirror as it shows up in our rolls of belly fat. 

3) We use weight itself to buffer us from connecting again too deeply… after we have suffered a loss. So we try to prevent further devastating grief by not connecting again so intensely – the weight keeps us from being vulnerable.

4) We use weight to keep us on the physical plane, because we feel the pull into the realm of the dead too strongly… We fear, we might die as well. The pull towards the dead can be experienced especially when we lose a loved one very suddenly, and had been deeply connected with them in this life – e.g. a sibling, twin, parent. Grief may not be the first motive, but is part of saying goodbye and allowing ourselves to stay in this life until our time has come.

Of course, weight and food are just expressions that are used, and could also be substituted with alcohol, or other drugs. What substance we use often also depends on what is accepted in our family, or what we have learned to count on.